Well, I had to go to Walgreens
’cause I needed some deodorant.
They was brawlin’ in the doorway
and I had to scramble over it!
Found the right shelf and
was about to grab some BAN,
when a lady in a fur coat tackled me
and grabbed it outta my hand!
I drove to PEET’S and even there
found everything on sale.
Had to protect my coffee cup
Like it was the Holy Grail.
People slurpin’ at it,
swingin’ down from chandeliers,
like they weren’t servin’ coffee,
but givin? out free beers!
Stopped at Safeway, drivin’ home,
to get some ginger ale.
Everything in that store too had signs
that said BIG SALE!
They were taking off the freezer doors
making ‘way with shopping carts!
Found someone underneath my car,
strippin’ off the parts!
Not too brighty!
Now, I’m stayin’ far from Wal-Mart,
Target, Save-Mart, K-Mart too.
Going nowhere close to Costco,
Best Buy, even Payless Shoe.
Took a walk down to my church, but found
FOR SALE on every pew,
and they even had price tags on the animals at the Zoo!
Now I’m holed up in my study
and I’m never comin’ out!
Thanksgiving Day was fine,
but all this I can do without!
I shuddered when the mailman came,
even when I saw my wife.
Can’t trust anybody after
what I saw today of life!