If I stop to think about you, I start to miss you, if I hesitate, ruminate, contemplate, it’s heartache without an expiration date, so I caffeinate and accelerate, don’t even tap the brakes, until a snail is caught crossing the interstate, until I’m caught off guard and caught slamming my brakes, sitting still, yet running late, staying still, the scene is worth the wait, staying still, you were worth the ache, the fall was worth the break, I might undersell, but I never overstate, shifting gears, rolling down windows to combat rolling tears, airdry my watery blue eyes, agonize, like a record skipping over a scratch, my heart now beats with a catch, a complication, a rhythm of gratitude and resignation, my first inclination, rapid fire accusation, was your final straw, tossed the drink, closed the bar, no last call, shrugged me off like a bad idea, a concept to dismiss, I ceased to exist, now I wade through a flooded field of forget me nots, under the influence and overwrought, she loved me, she loves me not, I kept my word and cultivated your herbs, I hope you also kept my words, written and heard, unsaid but implied, like the understood I, I understood I was a diversion from your pain, the languishing anguish that taunts you, the Spirit of St. Louis is not the ghost that haunts you, just a person that you once knew, another portrait accrued, another notch that you drew, I will utilize both blades to shoulder the blame, but your fingers were not pristine when you flipped and fled the scene, caught red-handed painting white lies, and other subtle shades of deception, slippery and evasive with a talent for persuasion, stunning Pisces stringing along her stringer full of prey, hooked for a lifetime, or catch of the day, released me and swam away, left me in your wake without a wave, dust off a spot for me on your shelf of collectibles, I’d dust off my plate again, the meal was delectable, I was besotted, you were bespectacled, I was high, you were highly intellectual, and I am highly susceptible to a respectable, impeccable set of full hemispheres, spilled out between your ears, The Professor, five feet nine inches tall, I’m a full five nine, minus five inches, the difference deserves a mention, red headed wrecking ball, somewhat of a know-it-all, somewhat because you know it all, schooled me from Athena to Zeus, snoring along with your sleep stories, your voice scoring the sedating soundtrack to my nights and my naps, now I’m rubbing the bellies of random lamps, checking for a genie pregnancy, spend all three wishes on one filthy mistress, the price of the peace of forgiveness, I swung and struck out on a snipe hunt for connection, you were weeping, seeking playful interaction, distraction, from the flame that burned you beyond recognition, and I fit the description, down to my pen and addictions, now I’m the one stitching wounds and alterations, adjusting to my novel perforations, torn in dark and secret places, I grieve in dark and secret places, lament silently, ardently, slow dancing with your memory, remember me, impatient Aries with the asshole tendencies, but in spite of these, I never intended to disturb your peace, add to your stress or divide your attention, your subtraction from my life multiplied my ambition to solve my afflictions, you hung up and called our time of death, sketched our chalk outline and signed it, took your leave without ever arriving, left me to pen the eulogy that you will never see, composed unequally of adoration and misery, my rhapsody my only remedy, weary with worry you half regret me, half detest me, wholeheartedly wish you had never met me, I remember what I heard, “even in silence or harsh words,” I cling to that line, a life preserver you tossed preemptively, a device to keep me afloat mentally, I inducted you into my hall of fame, your likeness and your name, your brain, your memory hung and framed, you cast a shadow over my reflections, now I’m casting lines in the dark, casting spells for your happiness and protection, all of my wishes are well, all of my wishes whispered to the riveted river, my message in a bottle, signed, sealed, undelivered, the only sentiment not returned to sender, I will reconfigure and recover, but never return to who I was, before your sweatshirt grabbed my eyes and attention, before you added color and dimensions to my existence, indelible transitions, emerged with a wounded gratitude for my moment with you, costly priceless interlude, a sensual, intellectual intertwine, my esteem and affections undeterred, unfinished, undiminished, despite the stretch of time between your last message and this last line.
