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Tell All Book Explains Dori Monson’s Mental Breakdown

Courtesy of KIRO.
Only Dori knows what’s in that drink. Or does he? Courtesy of KIRO.

A former KIRO colleague claims that local shock jock Dori Monson has been a voluntary participant in a series of corporate sponsored mind control experiments. In her new book, How Dori Monson Lost His Mind, author Sarah Bumkowski explains Monson’s mental breakdown as a “terrible tragedy” that has “permanently marred” the KIRO radio personality’s decades long broadcasting career.

Official personnel records show that Sarah Bumkowski worked with Monson for three years while she was employed at Entercom headquarters in Seattle. Bumkowski’s position as his personal assistant allowed her to observe the inner workings of what she calls “The Strange World of Dori Monson”. As his intellectual faculties steadily degraded, she became concerned about the stability of his mind.

The author claims that Monson’s mental decline is a direct result of a harmful pharmacological cocktail which he has consumed on a daily basis while participating as a willing test subject in an Entercom sponsored science experiment.

Bumkowski says Monson is regularly given large doses of a horse tranquilizer, added to his morning cup of Starbucks coffee.

“The company wanted to find out if they could artificially manufacture right-wing talk show hosts to fill positions at their other conservative radio station KTTH,” she said.

Apparently, after several weeks of this experimental chemical treatment, Monson eventually went “bonkers”.

Sarah Bumkowski maintains that she was unaware of the experiments at the time, but later learned about the tests from Monson’s producer after Dori unexpectedly began to rant nonsensically about the need to use water boarding to interrogate Seattle anti-war protesters.

During that incident in 2010, Monson threw a chair out of the window of his office on the second floor of the Entercom building on Eastlake Avenue. Apparently, just outside of the KTTH booth nearby, conservative talk show host and occasional politician John Carlson suffered a black eye after being struck by an unknown projectile thrown at him by Monson. Witnesses say that after Monson’s quick apology, however, the two men reportedly hugged, shook hands, and went out to dinner together.

An innocent bystander on the street was also reportedly injured, leading to speculation about a secret financial settlement arranged by Entercom in order to avoid any bad publicity that might have been generated from a public trial.

“I was completely shocked,” Bumkowski told reporters at the Seattle Post-Intelligencer on Friday.

“I always thought he was a regular kind of guy, you know? I assumed he was a real family guy with a reasonable amount of common sense and all of that, but when he lost his cool that day and started throwing furniture around, I knew that something was seriously wrong.”

Suddenly the mild mannered broadcaster began to rage about the broken vending machines at his office, claiming they had been sabotaged in a conspiracy organized by “liberal” members of the Seattle City Council.

Soon after this incident, KIRO staff were dumbfounded when Monson went on an hour long tirade against teenage girls who show their mid sections in clothes that he called “depraved fashions that should be completely banned by an act of Congress.” His spontaneous lecture on the air caught producers completely off guard since that was not a scheduled topic for the day’s program.

Monson also reportedly started to throw darts at a photo of Michael Moore while he was live on the air talking with callers, claiming that it helped him to calm his “frayed nerves”.

Dori Monson has a reputation in Seattle for totally insulting and berating liberal guests during his show. After his passionate on air attacks, however, he always thanks the guests politely for being on his program. Bottom line: it’s very confusing! (Disclaimer: I was one of his past victims.)

Monson’s also becoming quite infamous for his increasingly irrational screech fests in which he attempts to destroy the credibility of all Seattle politicians. Monson’s favorite target lately has been Seattle City Council’s socialist member Kshama Sawant. During a recent broadcast, he described Sawant as “a completely and ineffectual idiot”.

Monson agreed with local business owner David Meinert, saying, “Sawant knows absolutely nothing about economics. She’s stupid!”

When informed by his producer Phil Vanderhoof that Kshama Sawant earned a Ph D. doctorate degree in economics from a major US university, Monson claimed that this information was “irrelevant”.

Here’s an excerpt from his latest verbal attack on Sawant:

“I really think that tar and feathering the council member would be a great thing. I also recommend putting her in stocks outside City Hall so people can throw rotten fruit at her. No, on second thought, now that I think of it, that would be much too good of a treatment for her. She should be run out of town on a rail…”

Monson’s increasingly insane ramblings have alarmed fellow radio hosts and frightened many children on the street. His recent “I Hate Seattle!” campaign turned off a lot of progressive KIRO listeners who were convinced they were listening to a neo-con shock jock on Entercom’s right-wing rant station KTTH.

He’s started a national organization called “BanTheSeattleCityCouncilNow.com”. The group proposes to pass a federal law prohibiting the Seattle City Council from voting on anything, especially on issues relating to the city budget.

Last week Monson was heard screaming out of the radio station window, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore! The Seattle City Council is driving me absolutely crazy!”

Dori Monson calls the council “a bunch of idiots who think they are socialists.” He castigated council members Nick Licata, Mike O’ Brien and Kshama Sawant for supporting a resolution calling for Seattle’s restaurants to include nutrition information on their menus.

“It’s a clear violation of my right to eat whatever I want!” he said on KIRO yesterday.

“Here’s yet one more example of a group of social engineers trying to control my personal life. Seattle is a super nanny state where I can’t even eat a MacDonald’s hamburger without being harassed by these Marxists on the city council who spend all of their time trying to figure out how to ruin my day.”

“Do we really want to pay these people to talk about what’s in a greasy fast food hamburger? Do we really care what they think? No! I don’t give a damn what Kshama Sawant thinks about my eating habits. This proposal is another flagrant example of their idiocy. It is a total wate of the tax payer’s money. They should keep their hands off of my dinner table and do something actually constructive for once like putting up a nice family friendly statue outside of City Hall honoring veterans and the Seattle Seahawks.”

Monson’s tirade continued, punctuated by the sound of breaking glass in the background.

“But instead, these idiots on the council will probably commission a statue of Che Guevara or Dorli Rainy and the Raging Grannies! The Seattle City Council is completely out of control and I’m just sick of it! How did these reprobates get elected? I’m convinced that all Seattle voters are high on recreational marijuana. There needs to be a serious house cleaning at City Hall, and I mean a serious house cleaning, not just around the counter tops and below the cupboards, but way back there under the old silverware in the drawer where nobody ever looks anymore. I’ll bet you there are dozens of dirty socialists and anarchists hiding under the kitchen sinks right there inside of the City Hall building and we just haven’t been told…”

Monson’s contention that the city council is controlled by a cabal of extreme leftists is legendary. This theme has been a major part of his attacks on the city’s culture.

“I’m done!” he shouted on the air last month. “I absolutely hate Seattle! I hate its politicians, I hate its activists, and I especially hate its constant annoying crowd of hippie anarchist cry babies!”

“Sawant and her group of radicals say, ‘We demand a more equitable system! We want rent control and a $15 hour minimum wage! We want to smoke marijuana and have sex with our partners in the street!'”

After delivering a spooky and unnerving laugh, Monson continued his speech.

“Well, I say to them – ‘Get the heck out of this town and go back to Eugene or San Francisco or wherever you came from. We don’t need any more socialists experimenting with laws that invade our private lives with this ‘holier than thou’ mentality which, frankly, I think is pervasive in many cities around the Northwest. What is this? The People’s Republic of Cascadia?”

Although many of his colleagues have worried about Monson’s shift to traditional backwards puritanical and juvenile shock jock rhetoric, Dori’s employers at Entercom have been very pleased with the resulting rise in his program’s ratings. The Dori Monson Show audience has more than doubled since his rapid political transformation to 1950’s era cold war dogma. Many radio industry observers now say he is attracting new listeners from rural areas of the state who have traditionally dined on a steady diet of Fox News, Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh.

During the height of the Occupy Wall Street movement, Monson angered a lot of demonstrators when he described the activists camped at Seattle Central Community College as “filthy rats”. He called upon the college to “bring in an exterminator to get rid of them”.

Entercom management distributed a press release on the day that Bumkowski’s book was published. It reads:

“The test trials were conducted with mutual consent. Dori knew exactly what he was getting into and we explained all of the possible side effects. We feel that our company has acted in good faith and we’ve heard no complaints from Mr. Monson. In fact, he seems delighted with the amazing results. We consider the experiment to be a complete success.”

KIRO’s veteran daytime host Dave Ross was unavailable for comment because he was barricaded in his home MIDI studio where he has been recording a silly ditty he wrote yesterday about Obamacare.

When current KIRO news host and former Seahawk wide receiver Steve Raible was approached by reporters for a comment he said simply, “I don’t know what happened to Dori. He never used to be like this. I thought that maybe he got kicked in the head or something while he was coaching his girls soccer team…”

Seattle doctor and mental health expert I.M. Bones told the Star that it could take years of intense psychotherapy and shock treatments before Monson can be cured of his irrational delusions.

So far, the only statement coming from the Dori Monson Show regarding the subject of Sarah Bumkowski’s book was a candid remark made by Monson when he thought he was off the air.

“Can somebody please get me some more Ketamine? It goes great with this double tall latte!”