Restaurant Review: Ultimate Hipster Tacos

Charlton Heston was unavailable for comment.
Charlton Heston was unavailable for comment.

What a tragedy it was, indeed, when the beloved local sandwich shop Paseo closed last year.

For weeks afterwards, despondent Seattle foodies by the score were seen leaping to their deaths from the Fremont Bridge whilst screaming, “IT WAS THE GREATEST SANDWICH EVER!” as they took that final, fatal plunge.

Seattle foodies, weep no more. A brand-new foodie joint has now filled the much-needed culinary void left by Paseo. Ultimate Hipster Tacos, located in Fremont in the former Paseo location, serves exactly what its name advertises — and so much more.

Here’s the thing: Ultimate Hipster Tacos aren’t just made for hipsters — they’re made out of hipsters.

Yes indeed, when you dine at Ultimate Hipster Tacos, rest assured that the organic, free-range, PBR-fed source of the tender, juicy, succulent meat in your taco likely once owned more obscure vinyl singles by indie-rock bands from New Zealand circa 1987 than you ever will.

Standout menu items include the Arugula-Infused Hipster Taco ($13.95 per taco), the Soylent Grunge Taco ($15.95 per taco), and the Pulled Portlander Taco ($17.95 per taco). And with world-class prices like that, you’ll never have to stand in that famous Fremont line around the block behind any creepy, smelly poor people.

Vegans should not shun Ultimate Hipster Tacos, since the menu indeed offers a vegan option: the Vegan Vampire Weekend Taco ($15.95 per taco), featuring tofu made from soybeans raised on a collective farm on Vashon Island to the constant musical strains of everyone’s favorite post-college rock band. You don’t get much more hipster than that.

Charlton Heston was unavailable for comment.

Ultimate Hipster Tacos, 4225 Fremont Avenue North, Fremont, (206) 545-7440, Prices: $$$$; credit cards: Visa, MasterCard, AmEx. Warning: Uncool people attempting entry will be shot on sight.

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