Politics

Our City Council Endörsements: Seven Sidran Clönes

Welcome to The Seattle Star‘s endorsements for the 2019 Seattle City Council elections. Are you sick and tired of Seattle’s do-nothing tax-and-spend crazy-lazy-commie city council? Welp, here at the Star, so are we — and thus we’re now ready to . . .

VOTE! THEM! ALL! OUT!

Yes, we know the filing deadline for council candidates is more than a month away — so what? Just like Jenny Durkan when she abruptly repealed the Employee Hours Tax last year, we agree with our ultimate overlords at the Seattle Metropolitan Chamber of Commerce: there’s a time to think, and a time to act — and this, friends, neighbors, and customers, is no time to think!

We saw that video on KCPQ 13 (our favorite outlet for hard-hitting cop-rescues-cat-from-tree local TV news) where the council ruthlessly ignored the gentle, humble citizen attempting to exercise his constitutional right to free speech during public comment by blathering away his entire allotted two minutes about something something George Orwell and WE! ARE! OUTRAGED!

Truth be told, despite being apocryphally venerated local journalists, we’ve never actually attended any Seattle City Council meetings, and except for the commie with the weird name, we still don’t know the names of any current councilmembers, much less which committees they chair. Nevertheless, we beseech you:

VOTE! THEM! ALL! OUT!

Whom shall we choose to replace The Councilmembers Whom We Cannot Name? Once again, Mark Sidran has risen from the political grave — and this time, we’ve cloned him just for you, faithful Seattle Star readers! Yes, indeed: long loathed by local leftists for drafting and sponsoring the celebrated “civility laws” that compassionately told homeless folks to take a hike during the prosperous 1990s, Seattle’s notorious 1990-2002 city attorney is now running for all seven contested city council positions this year. Yeah Mr. Sidran! Yeah science!

Listen you fuckers, you screwheads! Here is a slate that will not take it anymore! A slate that will stand up against the scum, the filth, the socialists! Here is a slate that will stand up! Someday a real Seattle rain will come and wash all the scum off the Seattle streets!

***

Seattle City Council District 1

Our choice: Mark Sidran Clöne No. 1

VOTE CLÖNE!

***

Seattle City Council District 2

Our choice: Mark Sidran Clöne No. 2

VOTE CLÖNE!

***

Seattle City Council District 3

Our choice: Mark Sidran Clöne No. 3

VOTE CLÖNE!

***

Seattle City Council District 4

Our choice: Mark Sidran Clöne No. 4

VOTE CLÖNE!

***

Seattle City Council District 5

Our choice: Mark Sidran Clöne No. 5

VOTE CLÖNE!

***

Seattle City Council District 6

Our choice: Mark Sidran Clöne No. 6

VOTE CLÖNE!

***

Seattle City Council District 7

Our choice: Mark Sidran Clöne No. 7

VOTE CLÖNE!

CLöne an Ëffective City Cöuncil

WE ARE THE SIDRANBÖRG.

YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED.

RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.

Have a nice day — the Seattle way!