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MONSTER JAM: An Ode to Tacoma’s Greatest Cultural Event (taken from Tristan Corbiere)

Photo: Steve Jurvetson. CC-BY-NC-ND.

Blessed are the toxic sands
Along the shores of Commencement Bay
Where every year from far-off lands
Countless supplicants come to pray

At that mighty shrine, the Tacoma Dome
They journey thru dark winter’s muck
Far from their safe and comfy homes
To worship the Mighty Monster Truck

From Puyallup, Orting, Walla Walla
Boise, Bozeman, Klamath Falls
They come to join the righteous holler
To their Mighty Metal Gods Who Maul

Their MAGA hats come out of exile
From closets where they’ve sat a year
Confederate flags again flown in style
For freedom is the watchword here

The multitudes are maskless there
Let no Satanic block prevent
Everyone getting proper holy share
Of carbon monoxide’s sacrament

They’ve saved many months to afford this treat
(The tickets are quite highly priced)
Silent prayers are said as they take their seats
That no random child be sacrificed

The show begins! The engines’ roar
Can barely drown out the crowd’s great glee
When in the middle of the circus floor
Greta Thunberg is burned in effigy.

Monster Jam–Jan. 13-15, 2023 @ the Tacoma Dome. Good seats still available!)


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