Seattle Police Department Launches Operation Ninja Roll


“Ain’t no theater like the police theater ’cause the police theater don’t stop!”

According to Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell, that’s the official Seattle Police Department (SPD) slogan for SPD’s bold, vibrant and/or world-class new public-safety boondoggle named Operation Ninja Roll.

Apparently inspired by police officer Eric Casebolt who famously ninja rolled whilst busting brave dance moves against the teenage Negro terrorists of circa-2015 McKinney, Texas, Operation Ninja Roll shall comprise continuous officer-involved ninja rolling 24/7 along Third Avenue between Pine and Union Streets while SPD patrol cars block access to Third Avenue with lights flashing and sirens blaring thus excessively forcing all the downtown Metro buses to detour downhill and uphill to avoid the weird boondoggle scene inside the Seattle cop shop gold mine.

Anticipating the conquering of the forces of city hall socialism after stealing the 2023 Seattle City Council elections, Sinister Municipal Puppetmaster (SMP) Tim Burgess humble-bragged, “What a sagacious use of precious public funding!”

Additional SPD officials joined the SMP offering further bold, vibrant and/or world-class boondoggle-concerning commentary.

“Who needs reform? There’s, like, so much, like, CRIME! CRIME! CRIME! in Seattle you can’t even get a cup of coffee anywhere on Capitol Hill anymore!” opined SPD spokesperson and future U.S. Senate candidate Brandi Kruse.

“Thanks for the money, suckers!” officially declared SPD Chief Adrian Diaz.

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