A famous playwright once wrote, “Therefore, since brevity is the soul of wit, And tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes, I will be brief.”

That playwright was William Shakespeare, better known to us as Billy Shakes. Clearly what ol’ Billy espoused in his renown├ęd dramas he utterly ignored in his sonnets.

Fortunately Zach Weinersmith has taken Billy’s own advice and re-presented for you those poems Walter Savage Landor expertly described as “hot and pothery, like raspberry jam without cream, without crust, without bread.” Following is Mr. Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal‘s own description:

A brief introduction to all 154 of Shakespeare’s sonnets, in which each is reduced to a single couplet of iambic tetrameter. A great way to ruin Shakespeare for a young English major and an excellent passive-aggressive anniversary gift.

We approve.

Download Shakespeare’s Sonnets Abridged Beyond the Point of Usefulness here.

If you’re truly in the mood to ruin that young English major, you can buy a hardcover version of the book here.

Excelsior!